Yearly Archives: 2021


.   Hastings United WF’s undefeated away record continued today with a keenly-contested friendly against Tonbridge Town. The lads played two matches – a 40-minute epic and then a ten-minute blast to give all the travelling subs a good run out. The main event ended five-all but Tonbridge were lucky […]

24-10-21


. Exhibition matches come in all shapes and sizes – as do our players. Twelve Hastings United WF players turned out to show the huddled masses of Fairlight what walking football is all about. And the Parish Council laid on a fine post-match tea and cake session by way of […]

23-10-21-spare


.   Exhibition matches come in all shapes and sizes – as do our players. Twelve Hastings United WF players turned out to show the huddled masses of Fairlight what walking football is all about. And the Parish Council laid on a fine post-match tea and cake session by way […]

23-10-21



. It was a wintery, miserable night at Stade Geriatrico but the awful weather couldn’t dampen the spirits. Some 21 lads turned out for a soaking to their knickers and played great football that was well- contested and displaying more of our legendary good spirit. Once again, we were graced with […]

18-10-21


. It’s not often that a defender gets a day’s camping in the opposition half. But an object lesson was dished out at The Cage of Dreams of how to get up and back – like a Welsh coal thief in the night – without anyone noticing. Touchline Mike scored […]

16-10-21 Cat Version


. Talking to a reporter before the first Davis Cup match in which he captained a young John McEnroe, Arthur Ashe said: “Roscoe [Tanner] and Jimmy [Connors] simply bludgeon you off the court. But with this lad, it’s a cut here, a little dink, a nick there and pretty soon […]

16-10-21



. If there’s one thing Hastings United WFC has in abundance it’s a clutch of really good goalkeepers. And it was great to see them on all on show at the Stade Geriatrico tonight. Four teams of five aside, each with a specialist keeper, it doesn’t get much better than […]

11-10-21-website-version


. This curious late summer meant a morning in shirtsleeves in the Cage of Dreams this morning. Normally in early October we would be freezing our nads off in Alexandra Park but today’s session was played in bright sunlight. It was the first truly independent cage session with no help […]

09-10-21


. If there’s one thing Hastings United WFC has in abundance, it’s a clutch of really good goalkeepers. And it was great to see them on all on show at the Stade Geriatrico tonight. Four teams of five aside, each with a specialist keeper; it doesn’t get much better than […]

11-10-21



. Football, they say, is a game of two halves. And that’s what a near-capacity, grudging crowd got at the Stade Geriatrico tonight. Hastings Hornets were stung in the first 20 minutes by three breakaway goals from the visiting Eastbourne Seconds. The home side played all the football, did all […]

04-10-21


. We all know that one man doesn’t make a game. But when that man trots onto the field at Stade Geriatrico and scores within 30 seconds of his arrival stone-cold on the pitch, you’ve got to hand it to him. Iron Russ was the player concerned tonight who beat […]

27-09-21


. Fred Stedman the Surrey wicket-keeper (b. 1870 – d. 1918) used to wear a south-western railway time table to protect his chest from fast bowlers. As – towards the end of a good session today – Howard opted to come out of goal I was expecting some of his […]

25-09-21



.   Age UK East Sussex Walking Football League (Premier Division) Bexhill 0 Hastings 1 It would be wrong to describe Bexhill Firsts vs Hastings Firsts tonight as a grudge match. But with a last-minute defection to the opposite camp there was certainly an edge to it all and we […]

23-09-21


. The two great urban myths concerning Hastings and Bexhill walking football are now cleared up. Charlie Kite is not a priest despite rumours to that effect from Oh My Cod! But Legendary Rog is a mathematics professor or at least (and it had to be teased out of him), […]

20-09-21


. Man U have Ronaldo: Hastings United WFC has Wonaldo. Magic Wond gave a virtuoso performance in The Cage of Dreams this morning and drew applause from the crowd of one man and his dog. Puffing Paul will have nightmares all weekend about the two exquisite nutmegs lain upon him […]

18-09-21



. Perspiration mixed freely with inspiration tonight at the Stade Geriatrica. More than 20 players turned out for a humid workout under the dazzling setting sun and some superb walking football was on show along with some very sweaty bibs. If there were cheerleaders at the Stade Geriatrico they would […]

13-09-21


. Perspiration mixed freely with inspiration tonight at the Stade Geriatrica. More than 20 players turned out for a humid workout under the dazzling setting sun and some superb walking football was on show along with some very sweaty bibs. Once again Iron Russ took his pick of the squad […]

06-09-21


. Trappists, Benedictines, Tao Buddhists, Carthusians? Which type of monk does Coach Russ have in mind when he chides us with: “You’re like a silent order!” I once had a snifter of Chartreuse at the Carthusian monastery near Steyning and it certainly kept my own motormouth shut long after vespers. […]

30-08-21



You can either go down like a sack of King Edwards or go down and come up nimbly like a pro. Clive (Gums) tumbled at the sandy end causing some consternation but recovered immediately in the first incident of a lovely 9-9 game at the Cage of Dreams this morning. […]

28-08-21


There was a hat-trick of hat-tricks tonight at the Stade Geriatrico. A night for strikers to sit round an open fire with a brandy and bore their grandchildren with stories of their on-pitch prowess. Record breaking numbers again this week with 26 players on show meaning the Hastings United WFC […]

23-08-21


After being put to the sword in the cup at the weekend, Hastings United needed to find their edge again quickly. And they bounced back with a superb session at Stade Geriatrica – the first in club history to feature side-by-side games. Two pitches were in use to accommodate 22 […]

16-08-21



BLOODIED! BATTERED BUT UNBOWED! Hastings United WFC was taught a painful lesson today (see video above) as the team made its historic debut in the Walking FA Cup. The away tie with Woodnesborough FC was a woefully one-sided affair which ended 6 – 1 to the Kent team. And without […]

15-08-21


  Striking partnerships are a delight to watch when they work. Keegan and Toshack, Greaves and Hurst, Son Heung-Min and Kane spring to mind. Now there is a new double act in town – Massive Mark and Mehdi Hoss. Paired in a side given not much hope, these two clicked […]

09-08-21


  Fabulous over fifties football at the Stade Geriatrica tonight. Some superb scoring, sublime saves, a silly own goal and scintillating skills on show. The final score of 8-2 didn’t really do the game justice – it was much closer than that. The Lemons started the better and took an […]

02-08-21



  “There were a couple of groin injuries on Monday so open your legs.” That was the stark instruction from CP to his charges today. Sometimes as a reporter, all you need do is write down what people say. Granite Bob (80) simply watched on during the strenuous warm-up, supping […]

31-07-21



  The curse of The Catlift struck tonight at Stade Geriatrico. The tubby keeper gave three people a lift there: the first, Jeremy Nutkin, was already nursing a bad hand and couldn’t play; the second – Chairman Phil – limped off after 20 minutes with an ankle sprain and the […]

26-07-21



  “I forgot about the corners, we’ll do them in the next game.” Not exactly what you’d expect from Mark Clattenburg or David Elleray but this was the shocker that I heard from CP five minutes into the first match. There was plenty of eccentricity and variety in the Cage […]

24-07-21


  The skills were on show even during the initial kick-about at the Stade Geriátrico this evening with Bobby performing a Cruyff turn while helping the goalkeepers to warm up. Well, we think it was a Cruyff turn though he may have learned it off a whirling dervish on one […]

21-07-19


  Height of summer and a miserable drizzle. But it couldn’t dampen the usual Saturday morning enthusiasm in the Cage of Dreams. Seven-a-side Blueberries vs Lemons today with a couple of new lads included. Posh Richard – discovered by the Nutkin loitering in St Andrew’s Market and Matty’s Mate Randy, […]

21-07-10



  In a hundred years from now, some strange alien life form will be trawling the Internet looking to see how the former World Champion Over 50s football team began its life. And the small steps taken by the founding fathers of Hastings United’s most senior players will be writ […]

21-07-05


  A relentless, monotonous drone drowned out the Hastings United WF session this morning. But – mercifully – the Cage of Dreams was not resounding to the boorish base notes which can be heard on the terraces at Charlton Athletic. The noise was from the council grass cutters and you […]

21-07-03


  Super session thanks to a watermelon in The Cage tonight. Often during the Active Hastings sessions there is usually one, loud, boorish, deep, booming, dissenting voice heard way above the others. But … promise the Motormouth a watermelon if he keeps his trap shut and the silence was golden. […]

21-06-28



  Sometimes to see a face light up with a broad smile is all you need to feel at peace with the world. The ‘smiler’ on this occasion was young Keegan attending a friends and family session in the Cage of Dreams. This was the Hastings United O50s at their […]

21-06-26


  You can say one thing about football in the Cage of Dreams – it’s not as dull as an England-Scotland match. Tonight saw a tripartite round-robin at the Active Hastings session, although they did leave the evening very much to somebody else’s discretion. The Lemons lined up with The […]

21-06-21


  Week Two of preparations for the Walking FA Cup progressed with a super session in The Cage of Dreams this morning. The plan is to play the Under 60s lads together as much as possible before Hastings United take on Herne Bay in a home tie the first weekend […]

21-06-19



  Tonight saw the first run out of the Under 60s squad in readiness for the Walking FA cup tie in July against Herne Bay. It’s a great measure of the Hastings United club that we are making ready for our first proper tournament. And Gorgeous Georges was more than […]

21-06-14


  While they were Trooping the Colour for Her Majesty the Queen in Winsdor this morning they were tripping the light fantastic in Alexandra Park. The Hastings United WF session was early enough in the day not to be badly affected by the heatwave but it didn’t mean there were […]

21-06-12


  Tony and Jeremy joint match report It was Greek philosopher Aristotle who said that one swallow doth not a summer make. But his best walking football days were behind him when Ari said that. So, in the blistering sun, with several players mincing around in skimpy vests, all eyes […]

21-06-07



  You can’t play a bit of footie without a ball or two. So, it was an inauspicious start to the Hastings United WF session in the Cage of Dreams with 17 players and not a pigskin bladder between them. Blame fell squarely on The Cat’s broad shoulders because the […]

21-06-05


  One of the perils of playing over 50s football is picking up an injury. As we get older a little niggle can hang on much longer than a knock to a younger player. Tonight’s Active Hastings session in the Cage of Dreams saw the Cat having to come out […]

21-05-31


  Hot and sweaty was the order of the day for the first session of the new Hastings United Walking Football Club. The Cage of Dreams was a cauldron of excitement, a fitting curtain-raiser on Champions League final night. And made even more breathless with a penalty shoot-out finale. The […]

21-05-29



  Some things in life make perfect sense but only after you try them. Like Asparagus. Or maybe inviting your father-in-law to come and play walking football with you. The idea might sound ludicrous – it was for the Cat, whose FIL played for Man Utd, – but for Barn […]

21-05-24


    The South East England triallists from Hastings 1066 did us proud. The standard for the 050’s trial was very high and included 28 players from all over Essex, Eastbourne, Southampton, Bexhill and Hastings. Luck – it has to be said – was not on our side. The triallists […]

21-05-22


    What’s the tightest thing you can think of? An ‘O’ ring smothered in flange sealant on a piston engine? A Scotsman in Tel Aviv? Or a woman the Cat met at a Tudor event who wouldn’t even give him her phone number, let alone get on the nest? […]

21-05-17



  FA Cup Final day was always an exciting one for us oldies as kids. The build-up would start at 11 in the morning and would include an ‘It’s A Knockout’, a quiz between supporters and all the player pen-pictures with the road to Wembley. Things have changed and these […]

21-05-15


  Summer evenings have arrived in Hastings. And with it comes the blinding setting sun which can make spotting a football speeding out of it a tricky matter. Nevertheless, a great turnout of 21 Over 50s clustered around the Cage of Dreams eager for another night of scintillating walking football. […]

21-05-10


  Properly played football, at any level, is a beautiful thing to watch. It’s like a Shakespearian love sonnet, it’s as tight as a fishing line, skillful as a circus juggler, and like a Hollywood movie you could sit through it again and again. And this morning’s session in the […]

21-05-08



  The cold May winds roared in off the Steppes tonight but couldn’t cool a red hot night of walking football. The Cage of Dreams resonated to excited shouts and cheers as three teams battled for glory in the big Spring bank holiday freeze. Top honours went to the Lemons […]

21-05-03


  One week back in the Cage of Dreams and a record attendance of 23 players at training. The Hastings 1066 Walking Football dream is fast becoming a reality. And when the WF Sussex Superleague returns ‘The Pirates’ will be a force to be reckoned with. There will always be […]

21-04-26


The Cage of Dreams version 2 is now open for business. And for their first run-out on the third of hallowed astroturf, Hastings 1066 decided to play a first v second team match. The best-laid plans of chairmen and men are often foiled, and a couple of key players were […]

21-04-24



Stockley Park was buzzing tonight with a decision that brought shame on the whole VAR system. The Lemons, on the Field of Turds, were leading the Wine Gums one-nil when The Cat parried a shot in his goal area and the ball spun away where strikers were waiting to pounce. […]

21-04-19


  Rarities are a thing. Rockinghorse Poo is rare, Jordan marriages that last are rarer. But the rarest thing in the world is a Hassan strike from 12 yards that stays on target and gives the keeper no chance. When the ball came to the exuberant bus driver the watching […]

21-04-12


  Second week back on the Field of Dreams ( also known as the field of turds) while the vandalized cage is being fixed. It was a straight 60-minute fight – in three chukkas – between the Blues led by Scouse Phil and the Wine Gums skippered by Big H. […]

21-04-05



  Allied airmen shot down over occupied France and Germany during 1940 were among the longest-held prisoners of the Second World War. The Stalag Luft camps and indeed Colditz Castle became their home for many long years. And their sense of freedom, their expressions of joy on their release and […]

21-03-29