Rarities are a thing. Rockinghorse Poo is rare, Jordan marriages that last are rarer.

But the rarest thing in the world is a Hassan strike from 12 yards that stays on target and gives the keeper no chance. When the ball came to the exuberant bus driver the watching crowd expected the usual off-target toe punt or weak dribble but they couldn’t have been more wrong. The Motormouth pulled back his left peg and unleashed a beauty that would have had every one of the 100 Charlton fans at The Valley on their feet. The Cat was left rooted to the spot as the ball flew past him and Hassan completed a lap of honour around the Lemons as a result, fist-pumping the players, ball boys and passing mothers with pushchairs.

But that was not the best strike of the night. That honour went to Chairman Phil who beat Big H with an absolute pearler to give The Blueberries their first victory of the night. ‘I’m back,’ he said to reporters after the game.

The Cat and Big H made a string of saves between them with their usual showboating aplomb but were eclipsed by a new player, Magic Wond, who pulled off a string of saves to keep the Blues in their games and came second in the Everton Joe lookalike contest. It was like seeing the Mitchell Brothers at a distance. Bob the Binman took a couple of good goals and justified his wearing of the loudest hoodie ever seen in Alexandra Park.

The bobbly park pitch is a poor substitute for The Cage of Dreams but news from the council is that it will be repaired this week and opened soon. That will be welcome news but record attendances on Monday nights are bringing new talented players to the fore: legendary Rog de Vito had another good game alongside Cliff but perhaps the best debut accolade of the new season goes to Spanish Jerard. He strolled on, ran the games from the back for the Wine Gums and was immediately at home despite a cut lip from a ball in the mush. He showed his class and maintained his wide position giving his team time and space with Popi calling the shots from midfield.

The regulars turned in good displays: Marco van Gasman towered in defence, Medhi worked tirelessly and normal service was resumed with Mad Margaret who scored four on her first outing last week but failed to hit a barn door this time out. Speedy Steve had a couple of inspired touches and there was a welcome return for Interesting Dave Nolan who took his goals well and hardly got pulled for running all night.

There were great skills on show and good team spirit under the watchful eye of man in the middle Gorgeous Georges. Matty continues to impress week on week as a forward, and with new blood joining us regularly we will be spoilt for choice when choosing two teams for the upcoming tournament in June.

Top places beckon there if we turn in performances like this. Your correspondent had to leave early to do a ‘Churchill’ gig so the man of the match honour is based purely on the first four games of the night.
And the honour goes to new keeper Magic John Wond who wins the bottle of Domestos for MoM after an outstanding display. Because Hassan scored against The Cat he is owed a tenner. Which he will never get.

MOM: John Wond.