Stockley Park was buzzing tonight with a decision that brought shame on the whole VAR system.

The Lemons, on the Field of Turds, were leading the Wine Gums one-nil when The Cat parried a shot in his goal area and the ball spun away where strikers were waiting to pounce. Hard-working Mad Margaret tapped the ball back inside the area to the grateful Cat but was adjudged – unsighted and from 29 yards away – by the ref to have set foot in the area. She didn’t. She protested her innocence to Gorgeous Georges who was having none of it. Big H stepped up to the spot and sent his opposite number the wrong way to level the match.

It was the Lemon’s second draw, after two wins and a one-nil defeat. Not So Speedy Steve – who fell over twice in two minutes of his first game – played out of his skin, holding the ball up and laying it off left and right. He scored two crackers, and Big H let a further two in from Hairy Mark, including one where he made a triple save before being chipped.

The Blueberries had the best team on paper by far with big guns like Scouse Phil, Mr Chuckles, Spanish Jerard, Matty and Usain Ersin ( the fastest 50-year-old on two legs). But since none of them passed to each other their huge threat was negated. Matty scored one great goal but they struggled to score many more.

The Wine Gums were led from the back by a slightly under the weather Popovic who had been nobbled on Sunday evening at a late-night drinking session with the Chairman. He limped off with a dicky tummy after two games. You could tell the playmaker was not on his game as mistakes were made at the back.

For the Lemons, MM had a great few games, tirelessly pushing forward and if Marco van Gasman had actually linked up with The Motormouth at the back, they would have been even more of a force than they were.

The bobbly ground meant a lot of suicidal passes and balls being given away, and everyone prayed for the speedy return to the Cage of Dreams which is probably halfway through its multi-million pound Wembley refit at the Park Road end.

Good weather. A great turn out of 19 players. A spirited seven games and very few goals now The Cat has put paid paid to the two-yard blast merchants – you know who you are Medhi and MM-  by buying some goal area markers. The balance has been redressed. Man of the Match Speedy Steve for his brace and superb holding play (as well as falling over three times without serious injury).


MOM: Speedy Steve.