If there’s one thing Hastings United WFC has in abundance it’s a clutch of really good goalkeepers.

And it was great to see them on all on show at the Stade Geriatrico tonight.

Four teams of five aside, each with a specialist keeper, it doesn’t get much better than this. Until a mate of Ricky turns up, gets into his stride and scores three super goals on his debut. The debutant was Lawrence – henceforth known as Thunder Lol – who stung the palms of three of the keepers and put one past Big H that he didn’t even see until it hit the back of the Horntye net.

It was a really good session: fun, competitive and played in super spirit.

The evenly-matched teams lined up like this: Big H in goal for the Wine Gums behind Old John, Legendary Rog, and the dynamic duo of Hairy Brian and Super Dunc.

The Cat played with Matty Longshanks, Massive Mark, Touchline Mike and White Cliffs for the Blueberries.

Ricky DLTN was between the sticks for the Lemons teamed with El Jay, ZZ Nick, New Andy and Granite Bob and The Nutkin was the safe pair of hands behind Marco Van Gasman,  Iron Russ, Ken the Bass and Thunder Lol in Pink.

The first pair of games were among the best of the entire night.

The Pinkos took on the Blues on pitch 1 and it was a match for the keepers. At one end Nutkin made three great saves and The Cat pulled off a couple of athletic full-length tips away – only turning up a week late from his nightmare in the league last week. He also managed a double save, parrying a fierce shot from Rusty and then blocking the rebound shot from Ken. Honesty was the order of the day from the Massive one, who called himself for running thus ruling out his second of the match. His scorching first goal actually went through the net, such was the power of the strike. It finished one-nil Blues. The best moment of the game came when Ken thought he was through on goal unmarked only to be told he was actually kicking the ball from the other pitch while play on his game had switched ends. But he had a good game and got stuck in with some strong challenges. MvG came close with a couple of well struck shots, breaking out of defence.

On Pitch 2 the Lemons ground out a tough one all draw with the Gums. Super Dunc uncharacteristically missed the first chance of the night, scuffing wide when he was through on goal with only the keeper to beat. Big H could do nothing to stop El Jay’s first of the night – he really had his Spanish shooting boots on tonight – but made a string of fine saves to keep his bibs in it. Super Dunc scored his first of the night to earn the draw.

Round Two saw the Blueberries take on the Gums and the Lemons v Pinks. Both games ended two all. Massive Mark got both goals for the Blues. His first a thumper from the edge of the box and his second a delicate chip after a Mexican stand off with Big H, who blinked first. It was Legendary Rog who opened the scoring for the Gums, beating The Cat at close range with a well-placed shot. And Dunc equalized with a brilliant outside of the right foot which went so far into the corner it could have worn a dunce’s hat. Mind you, he missed with another identical chance and the Cat got fingertips to a rifled shot which clattered onto the post. That had looked like the winner but the draw remained.

For the Lemons, it was El Jay again with a pearler which left the Nutkin helpless and New Andy who slotted from close range to earn the draw after Russ scored the goal of the night,  a million dollar curler which had Ricky beaten all ends up and Thunder Lol scored his first of the night with a well-taken thumper. The Nutkin made his save of the night in this one with a full length dive down to his left to deny El Jay his second. It was a delight to watch.

And it was the Spanish bun boy who struck twice to give the Lemons their 2 -0 win over Blues in Round 3. His first was hammered into the roof of the Cat’s net from the edge of the box and his second was a delicate dink over the keeper. Only one super save from the Cat denied El Jay his hat trick in this game .

On the other pitch, the Gums drew 2 all with the Pinkos. Super Dunc scored both goals for the Gums and Rusty and Thunder Lol equalized for the Pinks. In this one Big H was beaten twice in quick succession and did well not to lose it with his non-existent defence before making three stops in five seconds from three different strikers. It was a remarkable performance.

The Last Round matches saw the Blues beat the Pinks 2-1 with goals from White Cliffs and MM. Cliff ran the length of the pitch punching the air shouting: “Say my name!” It was a fab strike. Russ replied for the Pinks with a hotly contested “did he or didn’t he?” run onto the through ball. He barely hesitated before beating the Cat down to his left. At the other end Nutkin kept the Pinks in the hunt with three top-drawer saves from the prowling Blue strikers.

And on pitch 2 it finished one-nil to the Gums with a solitary goal from Super Dunc.

On the big goal front, Super Dunc Scored five; Massive Mark and El Jay both netted four times, Thunder Lol scored three, and Iron Russ notched up three himself.

But there were more saves than there were goals. There was hardly a fag paper between all four of our keepers tonight but the Nutkin shaded it with a fine performance saving his best for opponent Touchline Mike whom he kept out three times. TLM seemed destined to score but was denied by Mr Malies who warranted his Number 1 Jersey this evening.

Fine defending was on show as usual from the likes of MvG and Old John but Cliff and Mike at the back for the Blues had the best evening and barely put a foot wrong. (We won’t talk about losing the ball and allowing a snapshot from El Jay which the Cat managed to keep out.)

Jay was all over the pitch tonight in a largely unfancied team, he definitely covered more ground than any other player at Horntye. We only think of him as a defender but he is a hot-shot striker/winger too.

Dunc and Hairy Brian showed true class with their linking play and Mark put Matty through at least five times only for the in-form striker to shoot narrowly wide of the right post each time. Their interchanges were mesmerising. As was MM getting one in the nads from our director of football. You could hear the clunk of the three balls coming together from 30 yards.

Iron Russ dominated every game he played in tonight and is the loudest voice on the pitch. He is an inspiration to us all. This ninja of a man in 67. Remember that!

The games were well reffed by Chairman Phil who stood for no nonsense and drew very few moans about his decisions.

All in all, a super session and a pleasure to watch.



MoM: White Cliffs. Dogged determination all night. Kept getting his foot in and making tackles and scored a fine goal to boot. What was his name again?