JeremyMalies


. A low turnout but high on quality in the Cage of Dreams this morning prior to a match tomorrow against Uckfield. NO – NOW CANCELLED. Gums were Jeremy, Hughie Canoe, Shane, Holy Paul and Chairman Phil. Berries were Ali, Mehdi, Ken the Bass, Puffing Paul, Massive Mark and Bobby. […]

13-11-21


. At school in Mitcham, Granite Bob used to hang out with a girl called Eleanor Shagpole who was fond of him but Bobby spurned any act of intimacy even though it was obviously on offer. I just wonder whether, at the age of 80 and so full of energy […]

25-10-21


. Talking to a reporter before the first Davis Cup match in which he captained a young John McEnroe, Arthur Ashe said: “Roscoe [Tanner] and Jimmy [Connors] simply bludgeon you off the court. But with this lad, it’s a cut here, a little dink, a nick there and pretty soon […]

16-10-21



. Fred Stedman the Surrey wicket-keeper (b. 1870 – d. 1918) used to wear a south-western railway time table to protect his chest from fast bowlers. As – towards the end of a good session today – Howard opted to come out of goal I was expecting some of his […]

25-09-21


.   Age UK East Sussex Walking Football League (Premier Division) Bexhill 0 Hastings 1 It would be wrong to describe Bexhill Firsts vs Hastings Firsts tonight as a grudge match. But with a last-minute defection to the opposite camp there was certainly an edge to it all and we […]

23-09-21


. The two great urban myths concerning Hastings and Bexhill walking football are now cleared up. Charlie Kite is not a priest despite rumours to that effect from Oh My Cod! But Legendary Rog is a mathematics professor or at least (and it had to be teased out of him), […]

20-09-21



. Trappists, Benedictines, Tao Buddhists, Carthusians? Which type of monk does Coach Russ have in mind when he chides us with: “You’re like a silent order!” I once had a snifter of Chartreuse at the Carthusian monastery near Steyning and it certainly kept my own motormouth shut long after vespers. […]

30-08-21


You can either go down like a sack of King Edwards or go down and come up nimbly like a pro. Clive (Gums) tumbled at the sandy end causing some consternation but recovered immediately in the first incident of a lovely 9-9 game at the Cage of Dreams this morning. […]

28-08-21


  “There were a couple of groin injuries on Monday so open your legs.” That was the stark instruction from CP to his charges today. Sometimes as a reporter, all you need do is write down what people say. Granite Bob (80) simply watched on during the strenuous warm-up, supping […]

31-07-21




  “I forgot about the corners, we’ll do them in the next game.” Not exactly what you’d expect from Mark Clattenburg or David Elleray but this was the shocker that I heard from CP five minutes into the first match. There was plenty of eccentricity and variety in the Cage […]

24-07-21


  The skills were on show even during the initial kick-about at the Stade Geriátrico this evening with Bobby performing a Cruyff turn while helping the goalkeepers to warm up. Well, we think it was a Cruyff turn though he may have learned it off a whirling dervish on one […]

21-07-19



  Tony and Jeremy joint match report It was Greek philosopher Aristotle who said that one swallow doth not a summer make. But his best walking football days were behind him when Ari said that. So, in the blistering sun, with several players mincing around in skimpy vests, all eyes […]

21-06-07


  Hatfuls of goals in an even-tempered pleasant match in the Cage of Dreams on Saturday morning. Howard and The Cat being absent meant only one regular goalkeeper in Jeremy who recovered from his nightmare on Monday to play competently. But he couldn’t stop Charlie putting six past him and […]

20-12-12


  Outstanding football in the cage this morning as the Lemons overcame the Wine Gums. Everybody’s favourite fish restauranteur arrived talking in Turkish down his mobile phone about a consignment of cod. Hoping to net as much as an Icelandic trawler, he found himself in a tight (but never boring) […]

20-12-05