Player pen portrait
Nickname: The Cat
Football career: Came out of retirement in the ’90s to play a few games in Uckfield but largely inactive since schooldays when he was impressive between the sticks.
Career: Is a professional entertainer with specialisms being historical interpretations of Winston Churchill and Henry VIII. Hasn’t appeared in goal as these characters yet but threatens to. “We shall fight them in midfield, in front of my area and on the wings.”
Walking football history: Saw the walking footballers in Alexandra Park and wanted to don the gloves for them. As well as being an actor, the Cat is a fully-trained journalist who trod the streets of British cities as an investigative reporter. The club benefits from his colourful match reports generated in five minutes flat after games while he relaxes by drinking five pints of milk and talking to his four cats.
Inspirations: Tottenham Hotspur (he is an occasional long-distance supporter) who has been known to don a lurid Pat Jennings jersey.
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