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Match report 14th May 2022

Some 22 lads stirred themselves for a scintillating Saturday soccer session in the sunshine. ( OK I know it’s football but I was into the alliteration thing).

The heat was too much for at least one anonymous lad who flounced off with better things to do – and I found your Tesco club card which fell off your keyring and will return it when I see you Doc.

The best goal of recent months was scored by New Chris (who is in desperate need of a nickname) when he leathered a fizzer from 25 yards which gave the Cat no chance. Not only did it have swerve on it, but he kept it down beautifully unlike the three other similar attempts he had later which struck the fence eight feet high and six feet wide. One worldie per session is more than enough for anyone.

In game one Massive Mark slotted home with the first shot of the afternoon and added a second minutes later to give the Blues a two-nil victory over the Oranges. The Cat made five saves in this one to keep the tangerine dream team at bay and was roundly mocked for going down to his left in three stages like a collapsing chimney.

In game two, Peruvian Mick scored twice to give his Pinks a two-nothing win over the Lemons.

Trigger got on the scoresheet in game three with the only goal for the Oranges to beat the Pinks.

Chris got the solitary goal – his aforementioned thunderbolt – in game four to give the Lemons their one-nil win over Blues. At the other end, multi-faceted Wingnut, today playing in goal, made a hatful of saves to keep the opposition at bay.

Game 5 was a hard-fought one-all draw between Pinks and Blues. Trigger and Big Andy were the scorers. The Cat made one remarkable save from Trig. Having stupidly rolled the striker the ball, he went full length to tip the resulting shot round the post. Andy’s goal was a lovely four-pass effort and he did well to beat Ricky at his near post.

In game 6 – the Oranges and Lemons derby – it finished 2-1 Yellows with goals by Iron Russ and New Chris with Matty Longshanks netting for the O’s.

In game 7 the Blues hit the post SIX times in their one-nil win over the Oranges and Tug also made three good saves – including a one on one stop from MM – to keep the scores down.

There was a full pitch all-in 15-minuter to finish which I paid zero attention to so nobody gets anything on the official scoresheet for that.

Man of the match was Mark for his great goals and continuing encouragement of those around him. He’s a credit to the club.