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Report 18th October 2022

Erling Jaayland gave a master class in shooting in The New Cage tonight. The Spanish Bun boy put The Cat to the sword with a seven-goal display over three matches. And – despite the fact that every goal was an identical inside-foot curler into the far corner – there was nothing the keeper could do to shut him out.

El Jay just had ‘one of those Midas nights’ when everything he touched with his fancy boots turned to goals.┬áIn fact, the only save the Cat made from him was when he laid down in the far corner ten seconds before Jay struck the ball and caught it between his feet six feet away. It was a lovely moment.

Two well-balanced teams of six fought it out over four games of 20 minutes each. The Pinks got into their stride first in Match 1 with goals from New Dave (Rodney) and a beaut from Deano. The Reactolite king was having another masterful evening and with him and Doc Dyer running the show from the back, there wasn’t a sound from the Blues who were effectively rolling over.

Then Jay got into the game. Playing from left back, he kept pushing forward and scored an eight-minute hat-trick. Slide rule precision. And each one struck from an identical position 14 yards out. It was simply awesome to watch.

Two goals from The Riddler and one from Matty Longshanks completed the Blues’ comeback for an immense 5-2 win.

In Match 2 the Pinks hit back with a vengeance. Wingnut was simply brilliant up-front and he notched a memorable hat-trick with Rodney scoring his second of the evening. El Jay was not having any of this and scored another two identical goals to narrow the deficit to a 4-2 finish.

And then the pendulum swung again in Match 3 with the Blues coming back stronger with The Riddler and Jay getting two each in answer to a solitary lovely finish by Chairs. Ridd was on fire with tricky flicks all night and Puffing Paul Hutton was huge at the back, mopping up any rare Pinko attacks. It finished 4-1 Blues.

Unbelievably, the Pinks were not done and fought back with a two-nothing win in the last match thanks to a second goal from Scouse Phil and a much-deserved strike from White Cliffs.

What a topsy-turvy night. It’s a shooting gallery in the cage and no fun for the keepers at all, but if you fancy scoring a couple then Tuesday nights are definitely for you. Lots of good football, fairly played and well reffed on a brisk but clear night.

MoM: El Jay. Deano and Wingnut were both fabulous but for his magnificent seven then El Jay gets the nod.

Footnote: to compound his miserable performance The Cat bought a Chinese takeaway to drown his sorrows in sweet and sour sauce … and dropped the bag outside the shop. Safe hands. Not.