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Report 20th July 2022

Last session before our crucial cup clash with Woodnesborough on Saturday and the Magnificent Seven played together all evening. The plan was to get the Cup Side playing as a cohesive unit because the last time we went down there we got stuffed 6-1.

Hastings will be without their top scorer Massive Mark, inspirational coach Iron Russ, brilliant Cookie Monster and the mercurial Blakey but the team we will field is strong enough to take on anybody. Ricky will be in goal – subject to a late fitness test – with Wondy and El Jay and Doc Dyer at the heart of defence. Beaky will be the midfield maestro alongside Chairs with Deadeye Chris up front.

Tonight they played with The Nutkin in goal to give Rick a few more days to rest his shoulder and boy did they need him. The keeper – who always looks though he’s run through a jumble sale covered in glue – played out of his skin.

Three games were played and the rest of the HUWF squad made up the opposition with rolling subs.

The front side were stung by the Hornets with a gritty one-nil defeat in the first 30-minute match. The Nutkin made four good saves to keep the Blues at bay before Blakey waltzed through the middle and slipped it past him with consummate ease. At the other end Deadeye was bemoaning the fact that he wasn’t getting any service. His one good effort drew an excellent full-length stop from the Cat and that was their only shot on target.

During the drinks break before match two they were read the riot act. Let the ball do the work and pass was the message; give Wondy the space to play the Russ role at the back and cut out the showy, but ultimately pointless, runs with the ball.

They came out with a point to prove in the next encounter and were all over the Blues who had no answer to the fast-passing game.

By now The Cat was reffing and the Pinks put a sublime six past a series of substitute goalies. Deadeye opened the scoring with a powerful drive which was quickly followed up with a left- footed beauty from Beaky to make it 2 -0.

The Nutkin made his only gaff of the night rolling the ball directly out to Super Dunc who punished the error to put the Blues back in the match at half time. 2-1.

What the Pinks didn’t realise was that the ref allowed nine against seven players in favour of the Blues and the Pinks were too busy winning the game to realise.

In the second half the team numbers were levelled and the Front Side went into murderous mood scoring four goals in five minutes. Peruvian Mick started the onslaught with a cool drive before a lovely passing move put Deadeye in for his second. Mick repeated his strike for 4-1 and then Deadeye completed his hat-trick with a lucky overhead bounce from the keeper into the net. Chairs added the sixth to complete the rout.

The last ten minute clash was a one-nil win for the cup team with a well taken low corner shot through a crowd of legs by Chris giving him four for the night.

Deadeye will be crucial on Saturday and all the club’s other strikers can learn from him knowing when to shoot and when to pass. He’s only lost three balls in two sessions with his method.

For the Blues Oh My Cod had a shocker and was desperate to score all evening but his little legs and poor final touch let him down. Blakey was majestic all night and Matty Longshanks was tireless all evening both in attack and defence. ZZ Nick was as steady as a rock guitarist throughout and all the Blues lacked was a selfish, miserable goal hanger who might have got a couple.

Super Dunc is just back from scrotal surgery and was not feeling himself but played out wide and put a lot of balls through, two of them beauties. Deadeye is in form, Wondy is fit, Beaky is inspirational and El Jay will be up for it. This is a great side and not the pushover Woodnesborough will be expecting to see.

Man of the match: the Nutkin. He has zero fashion sense but without him tonight the Fronts would have struggled. Note to strikers: if you hit the ball straight at him you will not beat him and his little fat legs.