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Report 1st September 2022



VAR controversy at our last session at Stad Geriatrica tonight. Welsh international fullback Touchline Mike thrashed a left-footer goalwards which was spilled by Nutkin in the Blues’ goal.
The keeper threw himself backwards like a salmon having a heart attack and clawed the ball out as it crossed the line. At Stockley Park they ruled the WHOLE of the ball didn’t cross the line but Mike reckons he was robbed. “I’m gutted to be honest. It was my moment of glory and I was robbed. ” he told waiting reporters.

It was a great night of glorious football and a fitting swansong to our time at the Stad. Three teams in a furious round robin with 6 and 7 players.

Match 1 saw Pinks all over the Oranges for eight of the 12 minutes. But despite the pressure and thanks to heroics from The Cat – who made four top saves – they could not score. Finally, Deadeye Chris got the opening he needed and beat Ricky with a thumper down the middle. It finished one-nil.

In Match 2 The Cat went from hero to zero dropping late onto a low drive from visiting Kim and it squeezed under his body. First shot of the game. One-nil Blues. At the other end Nutkin made three saves from Chris and Blakey but Team Tango couldn’t get back in it. Wondy thought he had put the game beyond doubt through on goal but his curler to the Cat’s left was palmed away. One-nil Blues.

Match 3 was the game of the night with free flowing football and some incredible goals. Doc Dyer stepped into the box to concede a penalty to the Pinks. Players urged The Riddler to pass the ball back to Nutkin in the Blues goal but their appeals fell, literally, on deaf ears. Riddler lashed it to the keeper’s right. 1-0.

Wondy equalised with a superb low shot to Beaky’s left and then the game took off. There were three goals in two minutes. ZZ Nick made an uncharacteristic error and passed the ball to the Riddler who gobbled up the chance for 2-1. Wondy spurned a chance at the other end and from the rebound attack the Riddler narrowly shot wide and failed to get his hat-trick. Then Beaky made an outstanding double save from Magic Wond and then Cookie Monster drawing cheers from the sidelines. Wondy then slotted the equaliser to set up a feverish finish.

The next break saw newly elected club treasurer Posh Andy celebrate his appointment with a long distance effort – appropriately assisted by his Chairman- that skimmed in off the astroturf. 3-2.
And with seconds on the clock Peruvian Mick was through on goal and pulled back his foot to strike just as the whistle blew. His shot flew in but was ruled out.

Match 4 saw the Oranges put two past Ricky – both with miss-hits, one each from Cookie and Blakey. The O’s put together two, four-man one-touch moves which resulted in saves from Rick and at the other end. Chairs was denied by a fabulous save by The Cat, stretching way to his left to put the ball out for a corner.

In Match 5, Legendary Rog – who had been excellent all night – laid on a beauty for Blakey to put away. It finished one-nil to Team Tango and the Blues didn’t get a single shot off. This was the game with the dodgy VAR decision.

In Match 6 stand-in keeper Wingnut demonstrated his skills. He made a great one-on-one stop from Deadeye and then pulled off a remarkable double save denying first Chrissy and then Wondy.
We definitely have the best in-depth goalkeeping line up in our league. Even the stand-ins are brilliant.

Kim’s visit tonight brought strict reffing for every infringement and it was a much needed lesson in how to let the ball do the work. Chairs and Deadeye both took Kim’s lead and reffed to the letter. We all played better as a result and it was one of the best sessions seen up there. End of a Wednesday era. We will see you all on Tuesdays from next week at the cage just above Pilot Field known as ‘The Firs.’

Man of the match: Kim for setting the ref standard and a great goal and The Riddler, returning to his poaching best. Bodes well for the new season.